Weird Anger

So something weird happened. Encounter #1: All of a sudden it was back to the way it was, and every time after that, it was comfortable and joyful each time. The dull and muddy enjoyment that came with the long separation became a once-again fresh love, rekindled for my lost friend. There were even attempts (wow...effort? I was so pleasantly surprised! And I felt like everything was alright in the world...in my world) to get together. I was so glad! Then a regretful "yes" was said and thus Encounter #2 took place. My insecurities, silence and awkwardness came out in the situation, as they always do in such settings with such people - people I do not know and cannot seem to, for the life of me, converse with. And then the distance grew.

Really? Seriously...really? Something that could be so good again, something that could return to health. Thrown against the stupid brick wall of that place and broken to pieces. How can one slight fact change it to the point of evaporation? As if that fact is the foundation of a friendship. Of ours. It hurts a lot. You've made me so angry. This weird piercing anger. Ugh.

Maybe sometime soon I'll stop being chicken and tell you to your face.

We're both good actors.

It's like forgetting the words to your favourite song

You can't believe it, you were always singing along

It was so easy, and the words so sweet

You can't remember, you try to feel the beat

You spend half of your life, trying to fall behind

You're using your headphones to drown out your mind

It was so easy, and the words so sweet

You can't remember, you try to move your feet.

Growth

10 Questions to Ask Yourself Everyday

1. Holiness - Am I progressively moving away from sin?

2. God's Word - Is God's Word food to me, and am I spending time in it?

3. Worship- Am I worshipping regularly, both privately and corporately?

4. Sharing faith - Am I sharing my faith regularly?

5. Stretching faith - Am I stretching my faith regularly, stepping out of my comfort zone to a place where I depend on God?

6. Prayer - Am I daily talking and listening to God in prayer?

7. Solitude - Have I been alone with God enough to hear his voice clearly?

8. Serving - Am I serving with the abilities God has given me?

9. Spiritual Progress - Am I further along in my relationship with God than I was a year ago?

10. Accountability - Have I made myself accountable to another trustworthy brother or sister for my spiritual maintenance and growth?

Free Refill by Mark Atteberry. I would link it but I don't really recall how to do that and I fail at finding out apparently, so that's too bad. If someone wants to teach me that'd be excellent!

:)

Frustration.

Something that has been frustrating me immensely for the last maybe half year just slapped me in the face a couple days ago. I don't know why I'm blogging about it now. Maybe it's because I've started to try to get into the habit of not approaching or confronting when angry, but waiting for a later time when the anger boils down. But then I think in this case, the anger will come again as I type it out.

Sometimes when people treat you like crap, even when you know it's wrong and you know that you should say something about it, you don't. But there comes a time when those persons treat someone else that you care about in the same way and it gets to be too much. And when you find out about it, and hear what was said, considering the fact that words are usually the strongest "weapon," it wells up inside of you and bursts out of your vocals in a huge "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ________?!?!!!!???!!! UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!" and an urge to commit violence (i.e. a slap across that person's face). This does NOT happen often with me. Or ever. Actually I think I've never wanted to slap someone across the face before. But this is one of those things that takes the cake. How can one let themselves become this way? To degrade another individual in such a manner? And in public. How?!!?

I will be frank. The person I speak of that I'm angry at is someone I work with. I am realizing now that I am posting this is a sort of attempt to decide whether or not to speak with the general manager about it lest the futures for other employees darken when I leave. I almost feel like it is my responsibility. Should I?

-Edit-

I talked to the general manager with discretion, and the person somehow found out and hates me now. Oh well.

Horror.

Utter horror.

I unfortunately couldn't go to church this morning due to the fact that every person who works at the place I work at has booked their vacations for this long weekend, leaving I and one other person to work this entire weekend. After work, I walk to the bus stop like usual...across the parking lot, across the vehicle entrance to the parking lot, across the worn down, faded yellow grass toward the shelter standing there. And then.

There is a rabbit lying there. It is dead. Its eyes are open. Beady, black, OPEN eyes.

Shock.

Scream, screaamm. Scream. Run to the other side of the shelter. Something like a heart attack. Wait squirming and shuddering for 5 minutes for the stupid bus to take me away from the horror lying within 10 ft of me. Get on the bus, probably quivering, get off, shivering. Visions of dead rabbit with open eyes lying in every area where there is grass, trees, or sidewalk.

...I'm scarred for life.

- and love.

I know exactly how you feel

You were this close to closing deals now

When everything fell from out your hands

You were forced to decide on other plans now

You figured it best to just ignore it

Otherwise you're only living for it.

I will choose not to elaborate on that for now. Haha. But on the other hand, <3! I am buying a California chicken crepe for lunch/dinner (it was about 4:30 and I hadn't eaten yet...which one was it?) and who do I see but Stephen!! And Tracy, his gf:D I had just went to Bubbles with them and Gdi (and Siyao) on Sunday night. So I cry out "STEVE!^^" with delight and he turns and his face lights up. He then comes over with his Stephen grin and I say "Tracy!" and she sees me and comes over too, with her friend. Then she introduces me to her friend (Julie?) and says "this is Stephen's best friend!" Then she turns to me and says "and this is my best friend=)" and Steve grins and hugs me. It was so happy. It was just the best thing ever. I know Steve loves me but! I didn't realize I was his best friend<3 It created a smile on my face and on my heart too. How lovely<3 Oh Steve=)

That's all. Don't judge me.

[01:00:25] !!! says:
JANET ARE U THERE
[01:00:30] !!! says:
JANNETTT
[01:00:31] !!! says:
JANNNET
[01:00:33] !!! says:
JANNNETTTt

[01:14:01] janet 아퍼 says:
HI=D
[01:14:21] !!! says:
OMGOSHH
[01:14:24] !!! says:
JANNETTTTT
[01:14:28] !!! says:
I MISS YA YOOO
[01:14:30] !!! says:
like
[01:14:32] !!! says:
str8 up
[01:14:34] !!! says:
XD
[01:14:56] janet 아퍼 says:
i miss you tooooooooo man

[01:27:47] janet 아퍼 says:
=D
[01:49:38] !!! says:
NIGHT SOUL SISTAAA
[01:49:42] !!! says:
im so
[01:49:43] !!! says:
dead
[01:49:44] !!! says:
XD
[01:49:45] !!! says:
night
[01:49:46] !!! says:
:)
[01:53:24] janet 아퍼 says:
<3 goodnight soul brotha hahahahahaha

Gold.

Nananana, nananana, hey hey hey, goodbye

BYE NATHAN. Have fun in Edmonton away from all the poop jokes and the viewings of Buting and I beating each other up/headlocks that I get trapped in. -edit- Of course you deserve more than a measly line and a half about poop! Thanks for being the (Nathan) Sun while Calgary still lacked the sunshine! You're special too! Despite your enjoyment in street water mist spray, "hey", that's what she said, etc. In fact, just thinking back...you were always lovely to me. All the time! HAHA... -_-. Jk. You'll be missed. Don't ditch us entirely. We shall continue sending you good concert/main performance vids for your viewing pleasure. If you share them w your Edmonton friends maybe it'll go as viral as your fave Rebecca. It'll go NATIONAL. The star will be famous. Maybe you can even get an autograph from the star if you come visit us. Do ittt!:)

Bye Maddo Madmad. January became the end of April and in 6 hours' time it will be time for you to board the flight back to Waterloo =( I miss you already. We love you and will miss you oh so much. Poor Auntie Nan. Poor Yuen girls. Poor David Bates. And poor Maddo's friends. But mostly poor Auntie Nan hahah:P Who knows, maybe the next four months will pass by as quickly as the last four did. Love from us to you!!

That is all. =(