Hello there!
Today was the third Sunday of December, and quite eventful. Church this morning was hectic - worship practice at 9 (which ended up starting late), choir practice at 9:45 (which also ended up starting late), service during which I played what I thought was dismal guitar music, and then the music presentation. Throughout all this, I had a sore throat from the night before the last, so it kiiind of wasn't the easiest. I find at times it can be easy to let all of this be part of my schedule for the day. To let the duties happen just so that something else can be checked off of my list of things to do. But while actually playing that guitar and singing those songs...there was just something there. A flicker of joy and thirst. A need to release the outburst in my heart into song for Him. It's just (this is most definitely understated) nice, you know? When we pray for Him to let it all be for Him and for Him to be the first in our hearts...it happens.
Same with on Friday for our English congregation's Christmas celebration. I was undergoing so much anxiety from music practice...the last run-through felt like it couldn't have gone any more unorganized and un-together. The last run through which happened to be right before the celebration was starting. My fingers didn't feel confident on the strings of that Yamaha and those stupid F chords!!! F#m, F#, F, etc...I cannot for the life of me play a good bar chord under pressure. But I was talking to Gab afterwards about how the actual thing was really not bad at all, and as I was thinking about it later that night and the next day, I remembered how I had prayed previous to going up on that stage that same thing: that it should all be for Him in our hearts. And I distinctly remember the difference in quality of the music emanating from the guitar when I let go of all of the apprehensive distress and gave it to Him. And that beautifully familiar feeling of utter joy flowing from out of my heart. Ahh. God is so good.
I was fortunate enough today to have the opportunity to partake in two different events of Communion at two different churches. The first was in the morning at my own church, Calgary Chinese Baptist Church. The second was in the evening at S.N.O.W. (which takes place every third Sunday of the month at Crescent Heights Baptist Church just off of Center St). In the Word it reads somewhere (I can't find it!!=\) that one must not partake in the breaking of the bread and the drinking of the blood when not in the right state. Sometimes (shh:P) at CCBC I cheat and don't eat and drink at the same time as everyone else...I really feel like I have to have the right state of mind and heart first. "This is the body of Christ, broken for you" "This is the blood of Christ, poured out for you" - the Communion is so sacred. I feel that one should be able to take the bread and the cup when one feels ready, not so much timed for when everyone of the baptized sons and daughters in the congregation has received their portions. At S.N.O.W., Pastor John made a clear explanation of why some who didn't understand the meaning of the communion should not partake. Not that they are excluded, but that they would be taking part in something that is sacred, and by not understanding the implications, it would not be right for them to do so. That being said, those who desired to take the Communion were invited to go to the plate holding the loaf and the bowl holding His blood, at the time they felt ready.
I remember the day I realized why the bread was to be broken before eating it, and the blood poured. His body was broken for us on the day of the Crucifixion, and His blood poured from his endless wounds. This symbolism was so great and so vast to me. It is a mystery for me at times to see that there are still people of this world that don't accept His sacrificial gift to us. And to see the beauty in the world around us, and still not believe. The beauty of the trees, the skies, the breezes and all of nature, yes, but also the beauty in a mother happily making snorting sounds into her laughing baby's cheeks, in a young person quietly giving up their seat for an elderly lady getting onto the bus, in an older brother holding his little brother's hand as they walk towards an ice cream shop to share a treat.
I always remember these words:
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain't half as bad
As they paint it to be
For the Sons and the Daughters
That stop to take it in
Well then hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin
-Come Home, One Republic ft. Sara Bareilles
Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Trust and obey
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
(Sorry, the link didn't seem to be working) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c98_uwooblA
So yesterday was Sunday. I was part of the worship team to help Nathan with worship leading as one of the vocalists, and the above was one of the songs that we sang. I think a lot of the time, we look at the lyrics of hymns differently than we might for more modern songs - we don't really see the truth in them and instead of singing it from our hearts, it kind of just comes out as some words with a tune. The first couple of lines of the first verse...("When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word/ What a glory He sheds on our way!") they hold so much truth. When I kind of strayed away from reading His Word regularly on my own time, it was hard to find any kind of glory anywhere. Joy wasn't often felt to its full extent. A lot of things were just lukewarm, alright, okay - not great, nor amazing, nor something that would lead me to be awe-struck. It was harder to lead life. I was trying to find only specific things that I wished for God to provide, so that I was semi-blind to the things He was already providing.
Anyways, at 7:30pm would be S.N.O.W.'s (acronym for Sunday Night Of Worship) 3rd anniversary and I was feeling a little down 'cause no one could/would go with me. I felt like I really wanted to go and have fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ, and to worship with them with a raw heart for God. I feel like now that I have finally started to regain my fire for Him, I can't stop worshipping and praising Him, like I want to (as opposed to feeling like I have to) make up for the lack of passion for the last while. And I know best how to do it through an explosion of song from the heart, surrounded by other children of God whose souls are also crying out to Him.
But it started to near the time of the 3rd anniversary celebration (I learned a couple things about celebrations - I'll share it with you later) and I had not found anyone to go with. I was going to resort to taking transit there and back in the snow to Dalhousie station by myself and getting someone to pick me up from there, because of the lack of buses in my community on Sunday evenings. My mother would not have approved:P But God provided for me. My lovely pal Tim would not only go with me, but also give me the rides I needed to get there and back home safely:) I don't know if what I just shared with you may seem a little stupid and irrelevant to you, but you must know that as someone who, let's say, doesn't have access to vehicle use, it is sometimes extremely difficult to spend my life trying to find ways to get to places across the city. I think sometimes people forget to appreciate the use of a simple vehicle, and the access to a warm ride to wherever you are going. The passing of 20 minutes as opposed to 1.5-2 hours in travelling. I don't mind taking transit, but a ride is veryyy much appreciated when it is available to me. It is not taken for granted. And God in His abundant provision gave me a very enjoyable one for me that night.
Really, He has provided for me over and over again. And I finally am able to see it again.
I just am so glad to be able to see God's blessings again - it was a miserable time in the past year during which I could not seem to find joy in any of them. But Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I just have to make sure I'm always seeking Him with all of my heart, at all times. With all my heart, soul and mind.
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
(Sorry, the link didn't seem to be working) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c98_uwooblA
So yesterday was Sunday. I was part of the worship team to help Nathan with worship leading as one of the vocalists, and the above was one of the songs that we sang. I think a lot of the time, we look at the lyrics of hymns differently than we might for more modern songs - we don't really see the truth in them and instead of singing it from our hearts, it kind of just comes out as some words with a tune. The first couple of lines of the first verse...("When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word/ What a glory He sheds on our way!") they hold so much truth. When I kind of strayed away from reading His Word regularly on my own time, it was hard to find any kind of glory anywhere. Joy wasn't often felt to its full extent. A lot of things were just lukewarm, alright, okay - not great, nor amazing, nor something that would lead me to be awe-struck. It was harder to lead life. I was trying to find only specific things that I wished for God to provide, so that I was semi-blind to the things He was already providing.
Anyways, at 7:30pm would be S.N.O.W.'s (acronym for Sunday Night Of Worship) 3rd anniversary and I was feeling a little down 'cause no one could/would go with me. I felt like I really wanted to go and have fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ, and to worship with them with a raw heart for God. I feel like now that I have finally started to regain my fire for Him, I can't stop worshipping and praising Him, like I want to (as opposed to feeling like I have to) make up for the lack of passion for the last while. And I know best how to do it through an explosion of song from the heart, surrounded by other children of God whose souls are also crying out to Him.
But it started to near the time of the 3rd anniversary celebration (I learned a couple things about celebrations - I'll share it with you later) and I had not found anyone to go with. I was going to resort to taking transit there and back in the snow to Dalhousie station by myself and getting someone to pick me up from there, because of the lack of buses in my community on Sunday evenings. My mother would not have approved:P But God provided for me. My lovely pal Tim would not only go with me, but also give me the rides I needed to get there and back home safely:) I don't know if what I just shared with you may seem a little stupid and irrelevant to you, but you must know that as someone who, let's say, doesn't have access to vehicle use, it is sometimes extremely difficult to spend my life trying to find ways to get to places across the city. I think sometimes people forget to appreciate the use of a simple vehicle, and the access to a warm ride to wherever you are going. The passing of 20 minutes as opposed to 1.5-2 hours in travelling. I don't mind taking transit, but a ride is veryyy much appreciated when it is available to me. It is not taken for granted. And God in His abundant provision gave me a very enjoyable one for me that night.
Really, He has provided for me over and over again. And I finally am able to see it again.
I just am so glad to be able to see God's blessings again - it was a miserable time in the past year during which I could not seem to find joy in any of them. But Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I just have to make sure I'm always seeking Him with all of my heart, at all times. With all my heart, soul and mind.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
So. I have a blog.
Lately I've been trying to think of a good way to let out all of my thoughts, all of the things that God has been teaching me. And I've also been reading some good blogs. So I decided, maybe I should start a blog too. So here it is.
Frankly, this blogging might be kind of risky for me because a lot of the things that God teaches me are extremely personal, and I usually only share it with my kids(church youth group kids!<3), and a very select few other people. This is going to be revealing my life almost at its most raw, but I think I'll proceed with it anyways.
So...here's the nut in the nutshell. To be honest, I felt like for quite a while...maybe a year or year and a half, my relationship with God has kind of come to a standstill. Not a "bad" one, but not a good one either. In fact, it felt like everything was just stuck. Stuck where it was. Not picking up. I started to lack passion during the week, started to forget to pray, forget to read my bible, to be thankful for simple things throughout the day. I became a different sense of the term "Sunday Christian," feeling like I was only able to have an outlet for my fervour and passion on weekends at church. Not because I wanted to, per se, but I really felt a struggle during the weekdays to have that wonder of God to the same extent that I had known before. And I knew it. I saw it everyday, and started to realize that I wasn't doing my part - it takes two to make a relationship. And obviously, because God never leaves my side, it was me who wasn't noticing Him there. It wasn't as if I started "doing bad things," it's just that I would forget things that I had made a habit of before, in terms of living for God and with God in my life. I was still going to church every Friday and Saturday night, and still attending service and Sunday school on Sundays.
Speaking of which. Oops. This is going to be an abrupt ending to the first post. I just realized it is 12:48am and I must leave the house early for worship practice tomorrow morning. I guess that was only part of the nut haha. Maybe I'll continue it soon this week. Farewell for now!
Frankly, this blogging might be kind of risky for me because a lot of the things that God teaches me are extremely personal, and I usually only share it with my kids(church youth group kids!<3), and a very select few other people. This is going to be revealing my life almost at its most raw, but I think I'll proceed with it anyways.
So...here's the nut in the nutshell. To be honest, I felt like for quite a while...maybe a year or year and a half, my relationship with God has kind of come to a standstill. Not a "bad" one, but not a good one either. In fact, it felt like everything was just stuck. Stuck where it was. Not picking up. I started to lack passion during the week, started to forget to pray, forget to read my bible, to be thankful for simple things throughout the day. I became a different sense of the term "Sunday Christian," feeling like I was only able to have an outlet for my fervour and passion on weekends at church. Not because I wanted to, per se, but I really felt a struggle during the weekdays to have that wonder of God to the same extent that I had known before. And I knew it. I saw it everyday, and started to realize that I wasn't doing my part - it takes two to make a relationship. And obviously, because God never leaves my side, it was me who wasn't noticing Him there. It wasn't as if I started "doing bad things," it's just that I would forget things that I had made a habit of before, in terms of living for God and with God in my life. I was still going to church every Friday and Saturday night, and still attending service and Sunday school on Sundays.
Speaking of which. Oops. This is going to be an abrupt ending to the first post. I just realized it is 12:48am and I must leave the house early for worship practice tomorrow morning. I guess that was only part of the nut haha. Maybe I'll continue it soon this week. Farewell for now!
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