Today was a good but sad day.
Goodbye Ang. We'll miss you very dearly.
:(
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Turning points
It's strange...strange how things can change so much in such a short amount of time. It's just like what I was saying two(?) posts ago, where you can be just enjoying life in one location yet somewhere else someone of relation to you is doing the opposite.
I guess I might as well just come out and say it. She's gone...
But there are two sides to this. There's our side, and there's her's and heaven's. Although on our side, grief, loneliness and mourning reign...I know that it is safe to say that God and the angels are up there with her, partying. She's ultimately in a better place, a joyful place with Him in paradise. Especially in comparison with a depressing hospice where your sister repetitiously assumes aloud that you'd be unable to "do that," your nephew shows up just to play on his DS or watch things on the lobby TV, and your best friend can only show up on occasion. Where you painfully sat out the rest of your days knowing that you'd be sitting out the rest of your days in pain. Praise God that she had peace in her last days knowing she was going Home.
I was in a car the other night and a song came on with joyful lyrics announcing His return to be coming soon, which is sooo exciting. But with this coming also comes the end of the time we have to share His good news and His love with others who need it...are we up to the challenge? "Yes" we say, but then how many of us actually have been taking the steps to be fishers of men? Fishers in the time of Peter didn't "go fishing" like some do now, with all the time in the world and a single rod, waiting for hours on end for the fish to come to him. They pursued and gathered and put a lot of work into it. It's not always going to be cases like this, where the deceased had already entered into the salvation of Christ, and I know that there are ones in the past of whom have been mourned all the more, knowing that they would not be one of the people I'd be able to see up There. Yet I've been finding it an unnerving struggle to step outside of my "comfort zone" where I just "live the life of a Christian" with everyone around me knowing that "I go to church Friday and Saturday nights, and Sunday mornings." They all know that I have about 30-35 kids, all of whom I love immensely. They all know I'm not a swearing kinda girl. They all think I'm "really nice." But how do I take the further steps?
I'm scared.
But it says in Matthew that faith the size of the tiny mustard seed is enough to move mountains - your mountains of doubt, fears...of whatever hindrances they may be. I have to ask myself whether or not I've been forgetting that it is God who works, speaks and changes, not I. It's been too late before. Lives are at stake. The words of Leeland continue to stand true: "This is an emergency."
I guess I might as well just come out and say it. She's gone...
But there are two sides to this. There's our side, and there's her's and heaven's. Although on our side, grief, loneliness and mourning reign...I know that it is safe to say that God and the angels are up there with her, partying. She's ultimately in a better place, a joyful place with Him in paradise. Especially in comparison with a depressing hospice where your sister repetitiously assumes aloud that you'd be unable to "do that," your nephew shows up just to play on his DS or watch things on the lobby TV, and your best friend can only show up on occasion. Where you painfully sat out the rest of your days knowing that you'd be sitting out the rest of your days in pain. Praise God that she had peace in her last days knowing she was going Home.
I was in a car the other night and a song came on with joyful lyrics announcing His return to be coming soon, which is sooo exciting. But with this coming also comes the end of the time we have to share His good news and His love with others who need it...are we up to the challenge? "Yes" we say, but then how many of us actually have been taking the steps to be fishers of men? Fishers in the time of Peter didn't "go fishing" like some do now, with all the time in the world and a single rod, waiting for hours on end for the fish to come to him. They pursued and gathered and put a lot of work into it. It's not always going to be cases like this, where the deceased had already entered into the salvation of Christ, and I know that there are ones in the past of whom have been mourned all the more, knowing that they would not be one of the people I'd be able to see up There. Yet I've been finding it an unnerving struggle to step outside of my "comfort zone" where I just "live the life of a Christian" with everyone around me knowing that "I go to church Friday and Saturday nights, and Sunday mornings." They all know that I have about 30-35 kids, all of whom I love immensely. They all know I'm not a swearing kinda girl. They all think I'm "really nice." But how do I take the further steps?
I'm scared.
But it says in Matthew that faith the size of the tiny mustard seed is enough to move mountains - your mountains of doubt, fears...of whatever hindrances they may be. I have to ask myself whether or not I've been forgetting that it is God who works, speaks and changes, not I. It's been too late before. Lives are at stake. The words of Leeland continue to stand true: "This is an emergency."
Monday, February 21, 2011
Just things:)
Haha. This post has so much relevance. And it's not all over the place at all.
1) I used to wonder (while I still worked at American Eagle) why in the world so many people would get to the mall earlier than stores would even open, just to stand at doorways and wait...wait...wait until 10 am. Although I still do not have the answer to that, I did discover this morning - it seems that people that roam this strip of the mall (the section where I work now) don't stand at doors like they did when I used to work at AE. This morning I got to work about half an hour early (I needed to be there by 9:20am) and was just sitting around for a bit enjoying a delicious tumblerful of double shot americano, and as I sat there I noticed quite a lot of people (usually about a pair per 5-10 seconds) walking around at brisk paces. Instead of standing at doors...they take walks. Not the slow, aimless kind of walk that window shoppers take...but fast-paced ones, often with running shoes, visors, and a fleece long-sleeve tied around their waists. LOL. It was quite something. What is more is that they go through the lengths of reaching the corner between the entrances to Toys 'R Us and The Bay before changing the course of their paths. Hilarious. It was the gem to my morning.
2) I managed to S.N.O.W. it up again last night:D it was rockin' and I loved it. Ohh happy day, happy day! I don't think I've smiled with such joy in a long time. God just filled the place up! I had the pleasure of praising and just worshipping Him with a friend who hadn't stepped foot into a church in a long time. It was sick. He said he'd want to come next month too woooo! And I think it was Tim Tom or Gabe Yee who said something like "not a person in this room is here by coincidence - He has called each one of us here." Keeping this friend of mine and a couple others in my prayers! Woooooo:D
3) Breakfast/brunch at Cora's again!!!! Twice in two weeks:)! Heavenly. And!! With someone who hasn't failed, each time we interact, to make me smile each time since the day we officially "met" haha. I am already starting to love this girl haha:D OH, such joy. I'm quite excited bahaha.
Okay bye. :).
1) I used to wonder (while I still worked at American Eagle) why in the world so many people would get to the mall earlier than stores would even open, just to stand at doorways and wait...wait...wait until 10 am. Although I still do not have the answer to that, I did discover this morning - it seems that people that roam this strip of the mall (the section where I work now) don't stand at doors like they did when I used to work at AE. This morning I got to work about half an hour early (I needed to be there by 9:20am) and was just sitting around for a bit enjoying a delicious tumblerful of double shot americano, and as I sat there I noticed quite a lot of people (usually about a pair per 5-10 seconds) walking around at brisk paces. Instead of standing at doors...they take walks. Not the slow, aimless kind of walk that window shoppers take...but fast-paced ones, often with running shoes, visors, and a fleece long-sleeve tied around their waists. LOL. It was quite something. What is more is that they go through the lengths of reaching the corner between the entrances to Toys 'R Us and The Bay before changing the course of their paths. Hilarious. It was the gem to my morning.
2) I managed to S.N.O.W. it up again last night:D it was rockin' and I loved it. Ohh happy day, happy day! I don't think I've smiled with such joy in a long time. God just filled the place up! I had the pleasure of praising and just worshipping Him with a friend who hadn't stepped foot into a church in a long time. It was sick. He said he'd want to come next month too woooo! And I think it was Tim Tom or Gabe Yee who said something like "not a person in this room is here by coincidence - He has called each one of us here." Keeping this friend of mine and a couple others in my prayers! Woooooo:D
3) Breakfast/brunch at Cora's again!!!! Twice in two weeks:)! Heavenly. And!! With someone who hasn't failed, each time we interact, to make me smile each time since the day we officially "met" haha. I am already starting to love this girl haha:D OH, such joy. I'm quite excited bahaha.
Okay bye. :).
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
What breaks Yours
I was just thinking about something today - how the world co-exists. How our society lives together. How friends meet up and chill for the day, or how employees of a company work together for any amount of time. How one has a conversation with another, and how much is hidden behind the possible facades. How it's not expected that you know everything that is going on with the person you are interacting with, but that doesn't change the fact that he/she is going through it. In a conversation, the two individuals could be on opposite sides of the scale, one having an awesome day and the other having a tough time getting through his/hers. Yet the people in this day and age seem to have been taught to "be strong" and have a certain consistency with the way they act, therefore not revealing an extra smile, nor a frustration of the heart. To not always show on the outside whether or not their lives are going extra well, or poorly. So those two people in that conversation could be talking, but still be deceived by any masks put on by each other.
I've been thinking...if, even through a "standard" interaction, there is no negative emotion shown or voiced...what if (I know..."what if") it's still existent? I know what it's like to be hiding something while talking to someone as if it was just an average whatever day. What if one of the pair is struggling with something, and this slightly obligatory conversation is carrying on as if he/she wasn't? It just seems so...=\. I don't really know what the point of this post is. But I was sorting out (oh man...such an ordeal) some of my iTunes library today and played a little of my Hillsong music, and Hosanna came on. For such a popular "trendy" congregation song (I won't get into that right now), this one is actually so close to my heart. Some of the lyrics that hit me the most are "break my heart for what breaks Yours." I don't know...even though sometimes we as human beings can't really tell whether or not something is up with our friends, coworkers, or peers, (this is gonna sound cliche) God always, always knows. I find that so awe-striking. And for anyone (hahahahahaha I bet there's no one!) who reads this at all, I hope you find it encouraging that He does, and even better, that He's the only one who can actually do what's best for you to get you through whatever it is. But in the meantime...I'm always trying to apply those lyrics to my life, so if you're okay with it, I'd want to do what I can to help you out:)
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
I've been thinking...if, even through a "standard" interaction, there is no negative emotion shown or voiced...what if (I know..."what if") it's still existent? I know what it's like to be hiding something while talking to someone as if it was just an average whatever day. What if one of the pair is struggling with something, and this slightly obligatory conversation is carrying on as if he/she wasn't? It just seems so...=\. I don't really know what the point of this post is. But I was sorting out (oh man...such an ordeal) some of my iTunes library today and played a little of my Hillsong music, and Hosanna came on. For such a popular "trendy" congregation song (I won't get into that right now), this one is actually so close to my heart. Some of the lyrics that hit me the most are "break my heart for what breaks Yours." I don't know...even though sometimes we as human beings can't really tell whether or not something is up with our friends, coworkers, or peers, (this is gonna sound cliche) God always, always knows. I find that so awe-striking. And for anyone (hahahahahaha I bet there's no one!) who reads this at all, I hope you find it encouraging that He does, and even better, that He's the only one who can actually do what's best for you to get you through whatever it is. But in the meantime...I'm always trying to apply those lyrics to my life, so if you're okay with it, I'd want to do what I can to help you out:)
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Happy New Year
I'd like to say that, one hour into the Chinese New Year, it's already going really good. But I can't. I'd be lying. I'm just remembering now at the beginning of my "blogging experience" with this blog...that I said something about revealing my life at its most raw. This is it. Tears have already been shed and I've already been broken. Words that I'm ashamed of have already been screamed in my head. It's just adding emphasis to my last post - a new year doesn't always mean new things. Some things continue to force themselves to be prevalent in our lives no matter how much we say we don't need them to be there.
I seriously don't know. All I know is that in the tears I was able to blindly pick up my older-than-life guitar with twangy strings that need replacing (what am I saying. The guitar itself needs replacing:P) and play it. I started playing every song I knew until I could calm down...and the song that did the job was one that I was singing to God.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
And the Lord is good to all
He has compassion
On all that He has made
As far as the east is from the west
That's how far He has removed our transgressions from us
As far as the east is from the west
That's how far He has removed our transgressions from us
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
Praise the Lord
Always reminding me just Who is sovereign. Thank you, my Heavenly Father. I love you.
I seriously don't know. All I know is that in the tears I was able to blindly pick up my older-than-life guitar with twangy strings that need replacing (what am I saying. The guitar itself needs replacing:P) and play it. I started playing every song I knew until I could calm down...and the song that did the job was one that I was singing to God.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
And the Lord is good to all
He has compassion
On all that He has made
As far as the east is from the west
That's how far He has removed our transgressions from us
As far as the east is from the west
That's how far He has removed our transgressions from us
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
Praise the Lord
Always reminding me just Who is sovereign. Thank you, my Heavenly Father. I love you.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
God is good.
Hello there!
Today was the third Sunday of December, and quite eventful. Church this morning was hectic - worship practice at 9 (which ended up starting late), choir practice at 9:45 (which also ended up starting late), service during which I played what I thought was dismal guitar music, and then the music presentation. Throughout all this, I had a sore throat from the night before the last, so it kiiind of wasn't the easiest. I find at times it can be easy to let all of this be part of my schedule for the day. To let the duties happen just so that something else can be checked off of my list of things to do. But while actually playing that guitar and singing those songs...there was just something there. A flicker of joy and thirst. A need to release the outburst in my heart into song for Him. It's just (this is most definitely understated) nice, you know? When we pray for Him to let it all be for Him and for Him to be the first in our hearts...it happens.
Same with on Friday for our English congregation's Christmas celebration. I was undergoing so much anxiety from music practice...the last run-through felt like it couldn't have gone any more unorganized and un-together. The last run through which happened to be right before the celebration was starting. My fingers didn't feel confident on the strings of that Yamaha and those stupid F chords!!! F#m, F#, F, etc...I cannot for the life of me play a good bar chord under pressure. But I was talking to Gab afterwards about how the actual thing was really not bad at all, and as I was thinking about it later that night and the next day, I remembered how I had prayed previous to going up on that stage that same thing: that it should all be for Him in our hearts. And I distinctly remember the difference in quality of the music emanating from the guitar when I let go of all of the apprehensive distress and gave it to Him. And that beautifully familiar feeling of utter joy flowing from out of my heart. Ahh. God is so good.
I was fortunate enough today to have the opportunity to partake in two different events of Communion at two different churches. The first was in the morning at my own church, Calgary Chinese Baptist Church. The second was in the evening at S.N.O.W. (which takes place every third Sunday of the month at Crescent Heights Baptist Church just off of Center St). In the Word it reads somewhere (I can't find it!!=\) that one must not partake in the breaking of the bread and the drinking of the blood when not in the right state. Sometimes (shh:P) at CCBC I cheat and don't eat and drink at the same time as everyone else...I really feel like I have to have the right state of mind and heart first. "This is the body of Christ, broken for you" "This is the blood of Christ, poured out for you" - the Communion is so sacred. I feel that one should be able to take the bread and the cup when one feels ready, not so much timed for when everyone of the baptized sons and daughters in the congregation has received their portions. At S.N.O.W., Pastor John made a clear explanation of why some who didn't understand the meaning of the communion should not partake. Not that they are excluded, but that they would be taking part in something that is sacred, and by not understanding the implications, it would not be right for them to do so. That being said, those who desired to take the Communion were invited to go to the plate holding the loaf and the bowl holding His blood, at the time they felt ready.
I remember the day I realized why the bread was to be broken before eating it, and the blood poured. His body was broken for us on the day of the Crucifixion, and His blood poured from his endless wounds. This symbolism was so great and so vast to me. It is a mystery for me at times to see that there are still people of this world that don't accept His sacrificial gift to us. And to see the beauty in the world around us, and still not believe. The beauty of the trees, the skies, the breezes and all of nature, yes, but also the beauty in a mother happily making snorting sounds into her laughing baby's cheeks, in a young person quietly giving up their seat for an elderly lady getting onto the bus, in an older brother holding his little brother's hand as they walk towards an ice cream shop to share a treat.
I always remember these words:
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain't half as bad
As they paint it to be
For the Sons and the Daughters
That stop to take it in
Well then hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin
-Come Home, One Republic ft. Sara Bareilles
Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord.
Today was the third Sunday of December, and quite eventful. Church this morning was hectic - worship practice at 9 (which ended up starting late), choir practice at 9:45 (which also ended up starting late), service during which I played what I thought was dismal guitar music, and then the music presentation. Throughout all this, I had a sore throat from the night before the last, so it kiiind of wasn't the easiest. I find at times it can be easy to let all of this be part of my schedule for the day. To let the duties happen just so that something else can be checked off of my list of things to do. But while actually playing that guitar and singing those songs...there was just something there. A flicker of joy and thirst. A need to release the outburst in my heart into song for Him. It's just (this is most definitely understated) nice, you know? When we pray for Him to let it all be for Him and for Him to be the first in our hearts...it happens.
Same with on Friday for our English congregation's Christmas celebration. I was undergoing so much anxiety from music practice...the last run-through felt like it couldn't have gone any more unorganized and un-together. The last run through which happened to be right before the celebration was starting. My fingers didn't feel confident on the strings of that Yamaha and those stupid F chords!!! F#m, F#, F, etc...I cannot for the life of me play a good bar chord under pressure. But I was talking to Gab afterwards about how the actual thing was really not bad at all, and as I was thinking about it later that night and the next day, I remembered how I had prayed previous to going up on that stage that same thing: that it should all be for Him in our hearts. And I distinctly remember the difference in quality of the music emanating from the guitar when I let go of all of the apprehensive distress and gave it to Him. And that beautifully familiar feeling of utter joy flowing from out of my heart. Ahh. God is so good.
I was fortunate enough today to have the opportunity to partake in two different events of Communion at two different churches. The first was in the morning at my own church, Calgary Chinese Baptist Church. The second was in the evening at S.N.O.W. (which takes place every third Sunday of the month at Crescent Heights Baptist Church just off of Center St). In the Word it reads somewhere (I can't find it!!=\) that one must not partake in the breaking of the bread and the drinking of the blood when not in the right state. Sometimes (shh:P) at CCBC I cheat and don't eat and drink at the same time as everyone else...I really feel like I have to have the right state of mind and heart first. "This is the body of Christ, broken for you" "This is the blood of Christ, poured out for you" - the Communion is so sacred. I feel that one should be able to take the bread and the cup when one feels ready, not so much timed for when everyone of the baptized sons and daughters in the congregation has received their portions. At S.N.O.W., Pastor John made a clear explanation of why some who didn't understand the meaning of the communion should not partake. Not that they are excluded, but that they would be taking part in something that is sacred, and by not understanding the implications, it would not be right for them to do so. That being said, those who desired to take the Communion were invited to go to the plate holding the loaf and the bowl holding His blood, at the time they felt ready.
I remember the day I realized why the bread was to be broken before eating it, and the blood poured. His body was broken for us on the day of the Crucifixion, and His blood poured from his endless wounds. This symbolism was so great and so vast to me. It is a mystery for me at times to see that there are still people of this world that don't accept His sacrificial gift to us. And to see the beauty in the world around us, and still not believe. The beauty of the trees, the skies, the breezes and all of nature, yes, but also the beauty in a mother happily making snorting sounds into her laughing baby's cheeks, in a young person quietly giving up their seat for an elderly lady getting onto the bus, in an older brother holding his little brother's hand as they walk towards an ice cream shop to share a treat.
I always remember these words:
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain't half as bad
As they paint it to be
For the Sons and the Daughters
That stop to take it in
Well then hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin
-Come Home, One Republic ft. Sara Bareilles
Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord.
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